By Bea Jay. First published in the Sheltie Pacesetter. Date unknown.
Copyright Betty and Jerry
Schueler 1988
After a quarter century of domesticity, my husband and
I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this year. I have
always wondered why people make such a big deal of a 25th wedding anniversary,
and this year I finally understand.
The comprehension came as I was throwing my toaster
oven in the trash. This was right after disposing of my blender, washer, dryer,
vacuum, and a variety of other household items. After 25 years, everything
breaks down. You need a fast way to re-acquire all the paraphernalia needed to
run your household for another 25 years. A 25th wedding anniversary party
fulfills much of this need.
As I contemplated all the various household goods that
had broken down this past year, it occurred to me that they had given me
exceptionally good service. Over the years my husband and I have managed to
acquire more children and animals than I care to think about. All in all, it is
hard to complain about the well-earned demise of my household treasures.
Take the sofa. About six years back, it was a really
nice sofa. Then one day, one of our bitches decided to whelp her litter on the
sofa. She did a really good job of it. There were only a few stains here and
there after she cleaned up. If you didn't look too closely, you would think the
brown spots were part of the fabric pattern.
This unexpected use of the sofa caused other problems.
One of the other bitches objected to the smell, left on the sofa, and tried to
eliminate it. I found the remains of the sofa spread all over the living room
floor. I put the sofa back together, as best I could, and made a slipcover to
hide the disaster. You can still sit on either end of it comfortably, but I was
never able to get the lumps out of the middle. I guess I am being persnickety,
but I think we deserve a new sofa for our anniversary. Unfortunately, sofas are
expensive, so I guess I will have to buy one, myself.
Then there is the blender, or rather was the
blender. It gave me fantastic service. For years I used it to make up formula
for the puppies. The blender helped me save many a pup.
For newborns, I would blend honey, condensed milk, and
egg yoke into a thin paste that could be fed with a syringe or feeding tube. For
weaning pups, or sick pups, I would throw together chicken, rice, and warm water
And blend it into a mash. The pups loved it. I could get the finickiest puppy to
eat the mixture. Surely someone will give us a new blender for our
25th anniversary.
Another appliance that gave good service was the
toaster oven. Many were the times I used it to help warm a chilled pup. Thirty
seconds to preheat, two minutes to cool, and I had the perfect place to deposit
a pup until it was back to room temperature and could be placed on a heating
pad.
Of course I had to make sure the pup was wrapped up so that it didn't burn
on the wires, and the door had to be left open until the oven cooled enough so that it was comfortably warm but not hot. Yes, I will miss the toaster oven. Maybe my
brother-in-law will give me another one. He gets lots of them for stashing his
money in the bank. I'll have to make sure I give him a strong hint.
The refrigerator has been a helpful appliance. I use it
to store vaccines, Ringer's solution, hypodermic needles, doggie suppositories,
stool samples, and similar items. My family always has to be careful taking
something out of the fridge. Like the sofa, I guess I will have to buy the new
refrigerator myself.
Our freezer has been great; I use it as a morgue. This
is occasionally a shock to the unwary person who opens the door of the freezer.
Friends and relatives have learned to stay out of my freezer. I guess I am
fortunate that the freezer still seems to be in good working order. I don't
think anyone would give me another one of those.
The washer and dryer definitely deserved the retirement
they got last year. I figure that I washed and dried an average of three tubs a
day for 12 years. One of those tubs was just for dog items.
The slipcovers have to be washed once a month and the
curtains always seem to be covered with dog hair and needing washing.
Washing the kennel bedding is a full day affair. Then there were the prematurely
dirtied sheets, pillowcases, bedspreads, etc. Dogs with muddy paws love to jump
on beds.
The rugs--well, I shouldn't even discuss them. Suffice
it to say that we just love playing with puppies in the house. To keep the
disaster down to a minimum, I used lots of small throw rugs around the house
that I can pop into the washer and dryer as needed. Since I have already
replaced both of these critical appliances, I won't need to put them on my
anniversary gift list.
While recently cleaning, I came across a stack of
dog-plundered linens with assorted spots, holes, missing fringe, etc. There were
three blankets, five sheets, three pillowcases, and twelve towels. I definitely
should put linens on my wish list!
My inventory of linens led to an inventory of socks.
These are another favorite with the dogs. Especially worn, smelly, unwashed
socks. The inventory turned up 62 unmatched socks. It is amazing that we still
have some matching pairs left! Unfortunately, I guess I can't put socks on my
wish list.
Tupperware might be considered appropriate for a
25th anniversary and the dogs love it. The older dogs use it as a
ball and throw it to one another. The pups use it to alternately teeth on and
sleep in.
I had one dog that thought Tupperware was the trade
name for bone. He would search out the unguarded bowl and snitch it from the
kitchen. Once alone, he would devour it completely. I have no idea why it didn't
kill him. I will definitely put Tupperware on the list of gifts I would like to
have.
A new vacuum might be a good appliance to ask for. My
old one died right before a big party, leaving me to sweep up the dog hairs on
the carpet with a broom. This stirred the hairs up nicely; they were still
dropping into the food and drink hours later.
An autopsy of the vacuum showed that its wheels were
totally encased with dog hair. The beater bar looked like one of the dogs had
been wrapped around it a few times. This prompted us to pause and count heads
just to make sure we weren't missing any four-legged friends.
Apparently the cause of death was the motor's inability
to rotate the beater bar. It was really quite a tragedy. I need a new
vacuum, but I will probably get a bunch of silver bowls.
Silver bowls, by the way, are one of those items that I
love, but find frustrating to own. The rest of the family uses them to feed the
dogs and other animals. This is true for other types of bowls as well. My men
will use what ever is close at hand, with little regard for the item's
value.
I once caught my husband using an expensive crystal
bowl for a puppy bath. With complete logic he pointed out how neatly it's oval
shape fit the puppy's body; and, hadn’t I asked him to wash the pup?
I decided long ago that I would either have to choose
between divorcing my family and learning to live with this male quirk. The men
won.
As I look over my wish list, for our 25th anniversary,
I find it far different from our wedding gift list. Our household needs a different sort of
list--a list that includes exotic items like Tupperware, stainless steel bowls,
towels, blankets, curtains, throw rugs, and the like. It isn't a very glamorous
gift list, but it is our list. I hope we get some of the items on it.
